I'm still kind of struggling with where I am in my life. On one hand, I feel like I am ready to take progressive steps and reach that "grown up" stage of my life. On the other hand, I want to stay in the young "college" stage of my life.
I think it's because I haven't made very many mistakes with my life.
I don't mean for that to sound arrogant, but I feel it's true. A lot (most) people I know have these mistakes they've made throughout their life that they've learned from. Like, "Oh man, I got so drunk that one time that I ended up sleeping with this random girl, blah blah blah." I don't have those mistakes.
I've always lived a pretty safe life. I grew up in a Christian home and I accepted Christ at a young age. Throughout middle school, high school and college, my faith dictated my actions. I've never been a hardcore partier; I've never had any flings or one-night stands (or even many-night stands). I've never been in financial trouble; I've never tried any drugs. I just never had that big mistake (or series of mistakes) that have made me re-evaluate my life and change for the better.
So every once in a while, I go through a season in my life where I start thinking, "Is it worth it? Is it worth ALWAYS worrying what God thinks about my actions? Do I really need to live this 'safe' life? Am I missing out?" And I start justifying it in ways like, "Well, God gives grace, right? I'll be forgiven. I know a lot of Christians that used to live a sinful life, and now they're fine." Sounds rational, right?
It's also selfish.
And it's not who I am.
I haven't made decisions to live this type of life because I'm afraid of God's punishment. I know I'm forgiven. I know I'm loved. I've made these decisions because I love Christ. I've made these decisions because God knows what's best for me.
Simply following Christ is not difficult, but our society has made it seem like it is. They make it seem like we're giving up everything. We are taught that satisfaction and fulfillment come from temporary things. We're made to believe that the only way to learn is to experience and make mistakes.
Following Christ requires you to see things from a big-picture perspective. It requires you to look past your own understanding and your own timeframe. It requires you to live for a purpose greater than yourself.
If that means foregoing some temporary entertainment in order to find lasting fulfillment and purpose, it's a small price to pay.
The song "Chapter I" by John Reuben has always really resonated with me on this topic. Check it out: