I had an interesting dream last night:

I was in my room and my grandma came in and sat down. She said, "Chris, don't be afraid to tell people about Jesus."

I turned around, looked at her and replied, "I'm not afraid to tell people about Him, I just don't want to be pushy about it. I don't want to scare people away."

She seemed a bit discouraged and a little upset. She said, "Sometimes that's how you have to be. You can't be hesitant to share Him with them. You have to share Him with everyone."

It was a really short dream, but it really had an impact on me. I rarely remember dreams lately, but this one is vivid.

I think this dream occurred partially because my recent peak in the study of end times prophecy. I've been looking at a lot of things that point to a possible ending fairly soon. In doing so, I've been thinking about all the people that will be left behind when Christ returns. I know that a lot, probably a majority, of my friends won't be joining me. I've been thinking about it so much because I want to be able to help them, but I don't want to push them into something they're not ready for.

It's really tough because there's no telling how little time we have left.

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Sometimes, I sit in class and just think, "This is such a complete waste of time."

Now, I understand that I am a marketing major, and business revolves around money, but I don't like learning about it. I can't help but think that there are more important things I should be filling my head with.

Don't get me wrong, I find the concept of marketing to be really fascinating and I'm excited to one day work in that field. I don't, however, find managerial accounting to be very interesting and I absolutely do not find enjoyment in supply chain management.

The worst part is that I spend so much time filling my head with that crap so I can do well in the class that I don't have time to fill my head with things that actually matter to me. I've been trying to reread The Case for Christ for about two months now and I'm only about half way through. School just gets in the way of true education!

I seriously just find myself spacing out in class and thinking about things that are completely unrelated to statistics, activity costing, and logistics. Imagine that! My thoughts consist of more than just random numbers and shipping procedures. I have more ambitions in life than to turn profits and increase my net worth.

I'm going into marketing, but I want to market something that I truly believe in. Something I think makes a difference. My absolute dream job is to work in marketing for Tooth and Nail records. It is by far my favorite record label and I love the artists they sign and the things their doing. It's something I really believe in and would want to market to others. I don't want to just sell something that has no meaning.

I know that what I do does not define who I am. I know that a job is just one part of who I am. What will really define me are the things I do to make a difference, and if that can be incorporated into my job, that would be great. If not, I'll just have to find things outside of work.

In the end, a job is just a job. A purpose, now that's something worth living for.

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I am ready. I'm ready to find that girl that will come into my life and change me. The one that when I meet, I will know I've found a piece of me that has been missing. Why is it so hard to find her?

I've always had a pretty planned out life and it just seems like things aren't the way I planned. I've always wanted to get married fairly young, in my early 20's, just because I see so many more marriages work out when the couple starts living their adult life together as opposed to trying to merge two completely independent adults together. I haven't even really met a girl that I could truly see myself being with for the rest of my life. I haven't met a girl that I clicked so tightly with that I couldn't see myself being with someone different.

I know I'm not supposed to worry about this. I know that God has a plan and it doesn't necessarily line up with mine. I just feel like I'm ready for that stage of my life to begin. Maybe that requires me not being at Michigan State.

Other than that, I'm finding myself in a much better mood lately. I've been really tired and been really busy, but I'm feeling good. My classes are starting to get better and I'm trying to make time for myself again. I've been able to play my guitar again, I went a few weeks without having time to even pick it up. I always feel so much better and more relaxed when I play guitar, it's just a good outlet. I've been working on writing a couple new songs and that really feels good, too. I try not to complain about being busy and what not because it's not as bad as it could be. I've been working on not complaining all together because I don't want to be that guy that just looks negatively on everything.

I'm trying to work on being content with what I have and not always desiring something more. That's difficult. I'm an American.

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This is going to be a little out of the ordinary, but on some of the blogs I've been reading, people have done lists of 100 things about them. I kind of wanted to see if it was something I was capable of doing, so I thought I'd give it a shot:

1. I don't really like talking about myself.
2. I have an opinion on just about everything.
3. I feel like college gets in the way of things I feel I really need and want to learn.
4. I'm fairly introverted, but tend to be more sociable than not.
5. I can read people very well and usually know what they're going to say before they say it.
6. I used to be a great listener, but lately I seem to be much more selective.
7. As much as I love hanging out with my friends and family, sometimes I just like to be alone.
8. When people ask me what I want to do with a marketing degree, I tell them I have no idea.
9. More than anything, I love to write music.
10. I get really nervous performing my music for anyone.
11. I don't really like my voice.
12. I like my clothes to be different from others', but not outrageous.
13. I hate the feel and smell of lotion.
14. I used to have a hard time saying no to people, but suddenly I've gotten a lot better.
15. I've gone on two backpacking trips in New Mexico that were each around 100 miles.
16. For years I've wanted to move to Seattle with absolutely no reason in mind.
17. I'm not a fan of red meat.
18. I absolutely despise any meat that comes from a pig.
19. I have very detailed and elaborate daydreams.
20. I look at things from a big picture point of view as opposed to focusing on the details.
    
21. I constantly feel like I'm not living up to my potential.
22. I never seem to get enough sleep.
23. I like to go to the dentist.
24. I hope to one day write a book.
25. Sometimes I seem indecisive when in reality, I've made up my mind, I just don't know the best way to implement or express it.
26. There's not very much that scares me.
27. I always feel like the majority of my family doesn't really know me.
28. I always try to do what I feel is the right thing, but I know I mess up a lot.
29. I've considered becoming a vegetarian for health reasons, but I like chicken too much.
30. My mom is a cosmetologist and she is the only person that has ever cut my hair.
31. There are things about me that I've never told another person.
32. When I buy something, I always research and make sure I'm getting the best product at the best price.
33. I enjoy and look forward to going to church.
34. I prefer to be called Christopher, but I don't mind being called Chris.
35. I like to direct and edit movies, but rarely have the time to do it.
36. I drive a KIA Sportage that I have a love/hate relationship with.
37. I've never been drunk or done any drugs.
38. I always have lip balm in my left pocket.
39. My favorite movie is "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind."
40. Sometimes, I count my steps.
41. I used to secretly wish I was albino.
42. I used to consider myself a die hard Republican, but now I just consider myself a conservative.
43. I lost 65 pounds after my senior year in high school and I've been working to not gain it back in college.
44. When I was younger, I was obsessed with the book of Revelations and used to read it all the time and tell my friends about it.
45. I was a janitor for about 2 months until I got offered a better job working in the technology department at my high school.
46. I was Valedictorian of my high school class.
47. I really liked high school when I was in it, but I would never wish to go back.
48. My favorite actor is probably Jim Carrey, but more for his dark comedic roles.
49. I believe that everything happens for a reason.
50. When I was little, I used to start clubs for everything imaginable, including a club called "The Band of Indians."
51. When I first met my best friend, I couldn't stand him at all.
52. I have a song stuck in my head at almost all times.
53. I like gadgets.
54. When I was in 7th grade, I used to take my Bible to class with me and a lot of people called me "Bible Boy." One teacher tried to tell me I couldn't bring it and I gave a long speech about my Constitutional right to.
55. I sometimes fantasize about being a successful musician and producer.
56. I prefer small gatherings of friends where we can talk and joke around to big parties.
57. I've seriously thought about dropping out of college and going to seminary.
58. I love going to concerts and getting right up to the front of the mosh pit.
59. I hate when people steal things, I think it's so unnecessary and selfish.
60. I usually watch less than 2 hours of TV a week.
61. I enjoy shopping for the most part, but I can get sick of it very quickly.
62. I actually look forward to raising my own kids.
63. I have a habit of judging people based on the music they listen to.
64. I am fascinated by the Universe. I love to read about it, watch shows about it, and look at it.
65. If I was given the opportunity to be the first person to go into a black hole, I would do it.
66. I don't like spring water.
67. I've had several people tell me I look like Josh Hartnett, but I see absolutely no resemblance.
68. I cannot stand when people use poor grammar and I feel stupid when I catch myself.
    
69. I'm waiting until I'm married to have sex.
70. I like orange juice with lots of pulp.
71. All of my school expenses are being covered by scholarships and lots of loans.
72. I don't think I've ever been truly in love with someone.
73. I sometimes look for excuses to keep from putting myself in awkward situations.
74. It takes a lot to get me really upset, and while I forgive quickly, it takes me a long time to completely get over it.
75. In my wallet, I carry a picture of Jesus and the "Cool Card" I got my junior year of high school in Ms. Raby's psychology class.
76. I'm a member of the Facebook group "People Named Christopher Cummings" in which all 41 member share my first and last name and at least one shares my middle name.
77. I love to go golfing, but I am absolutely horrible at it.
78. The first nightmare I can remember involved me getting left in a store, being chased by burglars, shooting the burglars, and getting stabbed in the leg.
79. I enjoy playing with fire.
80. When I drive by myself, I sing songs at the top of my lungs.
81. I have slept in a cave a couple of times.
82. I love to spend time outdoors camping, hiking, and canoing.
83. I have a shy bladder and sometimes find it hard to use public restrooms.
84. I used to ask for office supplies for Christmas and my birthday. When I was 7, I got a file cabinet.
85. I dropped out of band in high school because I thought the way my school conducted band camp was ridiculous.
86. I was senior class president in high school which means I have to plan my high school reunions.
87. I've saved my sister's life twice, once when she was choking on a crayon and another time when she was being held under by waves when we were swimming in the Atlantic.
88. My favorite pop has been Mountain Dew since I was 5. When I was 7, I wrote Pepsi a letter telling them how much I love it and they sent me a shirt.
89. I have a tendency to get overexcited about things that people see as nothing.
90. My favorite cake is carrot cake. It's the only kind I can't pass up.
91. If I really like a band, I will see them every time they come to town. I've seen Relient K ten times.
92. I one time played a song with my best friend at a homeless shelter. We played so poorly that when our short song was over, people came up and asked when we were going to play.
93. I hate being late to anything.
94. I don't like to sleep in past 11 or I feel like I've wasted part of the day away.
95. I have horrible handwriting because I insist on writing so fast.
96. I like that my siblings have grown up because we can actually hang out now.
97. I love to take long car rides, but I hate paying $3 a gallon for gas.
98. I have a scar on my left hand from when I was 16. I was putting a bunch of Mac computers on a shelf when one smashed my hand. I pulled it out quickly and the razor-sharp bottom of the shelf took a chunk out of my hand.
99. I'm very uncertain about my future, but I have high expectations for it.
100. I hope that when I die, people will remember me as someone that was honest, loving, and made a difference in the lives of the people.
     

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I've got a lot to say about a lot of random things, so please excuse the incoherence of this entire post.

My dad left for Texas last Thursday. I haven't really been affected by it since I'm used to not seeing him since I moved for college, but it's still strange to think that he's on the other side of the country now. Before he left, he told me all the things he'd like me to be responsible for while he's gone and what's to be done if something happens to him. It's nice to know that he has enough trust in me to leave me with all the responsibility he did, although I wish he didn't have to.

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I went to a career gallery last week. It was the biggest one on campus. I talked to a lot of different companies about internships and what not. It was really awkward at first. It's tough to just go up to someone and start talking about myself. I don't consider myself a particularly interesting person. I felt like I was basically saying to each of them, "My name is Chris, I'm a marketing junior, I'm looking for an internship." It was all pretty ridiculous. I did talk to some companies I'm pretty interested in, so we'll see what comes of that. Most of their interviewing doesn't start until around February.

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Have you ever listened to someone tell you about something that has happened to them and you can't help but think the whole time, "How sad." There are so many people I know that are just doing nothing with their lives. I mean, I am far from perfect, there's a lot more I could and probably should be doing with my life. I try to squeeze as much as I can into my time, but sometimes I just need to do nothing. My plan is to finish up college, get a job I will find satisfaction in, and make a difference somehow. I just see so many people that I know just doing nothing. They maybe work some hours at a dead-end job, but spend most of their time focusing on childish drama and indulgences that ultimately lead to nowhere. I just think it's sad to see people doing nothing with their lives. God gave everyone abilities and it's just a crime to see them waste.

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I went to church yesterday and the pastor talked about worrying and anxiety. This is something I had a big problem with until pretty recently. I was never one to completely let anxiety overtake me, but I definitely lost sleep over things. The thing that really hit me was when he talked about not worrying about finding a spouse. He said to just stop wondering if and when it will happen and just trust in the fact that God will take care of it. This is something I still worry about from time to time. I feel like sometimes I'm really picky, which some of my friends think is not beneficial to me. But God made me that way. I don't want to just settle for someone. There are things I desire and need out of a relationship and I'm not going to settle just to have someone. I don't need to have someone. If I'm with someone, it should be because I want to be with them. Not just to simply have someone.

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That's about the extent of what I feel about writing about right now. I feel like the last few posts have just been useless rambling. Hopefully the next one will actually have some substance.

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