Despite what could be seen as very upsetting or depressing things that have been going on, I am extremely happy lately. It's like, no matter what happens, I just keep feeling happy. And the best part is, I know why.
Finally, I've given up on worrying about those things I have such little control over. I now understand that there are just some things that are not meant to be affected by me and just because those things might fail, it is not at any fault of my own. I wanted so badly for the people around me to experience the full potential of their life that I was inhibiting myself from experiencing mine.
I'm starting to be better at differentiating between what I'm feeling, what I'm thinking, and what I think I should be feeling. So in turn, not necessarily allowing my thoughts to fully affect my feelings. It's pretty freeing to be able to do so.
I've started reading some more lately. I don't have any classes this semester that require heavy reading, so I'm able to read some stuff that I want. Right now, I'm reading "Searching for God Knows What" by Donald Miller. So far, I really enjoy it. He talks a lot about how humans search to fill the void in their life by validating themselves to the people around them. He uses this to explain a human's competitive drive and desire to always be the top. It's really great.
I started to go to church regularly again. School started to make it impossible for me to go to the church I really wanted to, but since I've been home most weekends, I've been able to make it. And I really love going. I in no way feel that it's a necessity or that I'm doing something just because I should. I'm going because I really enjoy it. I'm learning a lot, growing a lot, and just finally being able to release stress by reaching out to God.
Sharing my faith has always been something important to me. I like to share it, I like answering questions about it, I like being challenged. I actually have people day to day that will talk faith with me now. It's been really great. Of all the things to discuss, I love talking about that more than anything else, obviously because of it's importance to me.
Last weekend, I went to two really great concerts for bands I love, Relient K and Emery. The Relient K show was really great, but the Emery one amazed me. Not only was their performance outstanding, but afterwards, I got to talk with Devin Shelton who I consider to be one of my heroes/influences. I talked to him about the process of creating his music and about touring and about the meaning behind some songs and a whole bunch of stuff. It was so inspiring to see such a humble guy tell me about the profound meaning of his songs and how he works to make every song glorifying to God. It was so amazing. I've never left a place feeling so happy.
So to wrap it up, I know this was completely illogical and all over the place, but I'm just feeling so many great emotions lately. I just feel like I've finally broken away from the things that were bringing me down so greatly. Life is all in what you make it. If you choose to allow the mishaps and more depressing aspects to overtake you and become your main focus, you're going to lose sight and hope in the blessings and opportunities that can make your life amazing.
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