Have you ever wanted to take a vacation from life? Like, basically put your body and life on pause, and just float away. I wish I could.

I just have so much stress about so many things and they never go away. Even if I were to travel somewhere, all I would do is think about that stuff. But if I could pause muy life, make time stop, then i really could enjoy a vacation.

But I wouldn't want to go on vacation alone. All of my close friends would have to go too, so we would have to pause their lives somehow because we would need NO STRESS!

I just stress myself about EVERYTHING. Even stuff I can't control. School, Work, Relationships, and most of all: money. I stress about money a lot. It's hard not to when you're already in debt for school. Plus I have so much to pay for all the time, and I need to buy a car this spring. If someone just gave me $50,000, I would be so much less stressful.

And that's sad that I am stressed over that. There's nothing I can do about it right now. Nothing at all, but watch it grow. And I think that's the worst part, I'm out of control of it. I'm just watching it rise and rise.

Someone told me not to think of student loans as debt but as investments. I can't though. All I see is my networth as a negative.

Why can't life just be easy?

Until next time....

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Do I have a false sense of happiness? Is it all just made up, like a facade I put on? I'm begininning to wonder. Altough I play it off that I'm happy most of the time, I'm not sure that I really am. But what is happiness really? I guess it's different for everyone. Some people say that money can't buy happiness. And in some aspects, that is true. Money can't buy friendship. It can buy companionship, it'll make people want to be around you, but it can't buy true friendship. But all of this stuff just sounds so cliche. What I'm really wondering is what constitutes true happiness? Is it the idea that the good outweighs the bad? Or can everything be miserable, but one thing brings you complete happiness. Is anyone completely happy? Is the idea of eternal happiness really attainable? And if so, how? What causes it? I'm sure that I'll never really know. While there are things in my life I appreciate, there are definitely things I could do without. So does that make me happy? I'm not sure.

I decided to look up "happy" and "happiness" in Websters Dictionary. They really dont have a clear definition of it either:

Main Entry: hap·py
Pronunciation: 'ha-pE
Function: adjective
Inflected Form(s): hap·pi·er; -est
Etymology: Middle English, from hap
1 : favored by luck or fortune : FORTUNATE
2 : notably fitting, effective, or well adapted : FELICITOUS happy choice>
3 a : enjoying or characterized by well-being and contentment : JOYOUS b : expressing or suggestive of happiness : PLEASANT c : GLAD, PLEASED d : having or marked by an atmosphere of good fellowship : FRIENDLY
4 a : characterized by a dazed irresponsible state happy boxer> b : impulsively or obsessively quick to use or do something happy> c : enthusiastic about something to the point of obsession : OBSESSED

So lets take a look at this. The first definition says "favored by luck or fortune" and since I don't believe in luck and definitely don't consider myself lucky, that definition cannot work for me. The second definition is "notably fitting, effectinve, or well adapted." I can't say that I really fit in where I am now. And I'm not that well adapted either, so that won't work. The last 2 definitions really focus more on how a happy person acts, not really what happiness is. So basically, Webster's is saying that happiness is being lucky and fitting in, both of which I am not. So does this mean I'm unhappy?

Main Entry: un·hap·py
Pronunciation: -'ha-pE
Function: adjective
1 : not fortunate : UNLUCKY
2 : not cheerful or glad : SAD, WRETCHED
3 : causing or subject to misfortune

Ok, so unhappy is pretty much the complete opposite. Number 1 says unlucky, but I wouldnt consider myself unlucky. I dont consider myself either lucky nor unlucky because I simply do not believe in luck. Number 2 is "not cheerful or glad." Well that depends. I'm glad about somethings, but not others. But that doesn't determine my overall mood. 3 says "causing or subject to misfortune," both of which I am neither. I don't cause others misfortune and I'm not misfortunate myself.

These definitions seem to be targeting the idea of happiness, not the emotion. So I guess happiness is really in the eye of the beholder. In reality, only I can know if I'm really happy. I can put on a mask that makes other see what I want them to see, but only I know whether I am truly happy or not, right? Then why don't I know?

Until next time....

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Well, this is my third blog area. I no longer write in Livejournal, but I sometimes put stuff in my MySpace blog. I'm thinking that this will be the one where I can write about more personal things.

So lately I've been thinking a lot about dating, love, and sex. Partially because my writing class is discussing these subjects, but partially because I am without all of them. I guess I'm really picky. I mean, first of all, MSU is known as a party school, so really there are a lot of drunk sluts here, all of which I want nothing to do with. So after you filter out them, there is a small amount of girls. Another thing that's important to me is that she has faith in Christ. And that's a lot tougher than it sounds. I'm not just looking for a girl that goes to church on Sunday, I really want a girl who has a relationship with Christ. Now, I mean, its not like if she doesnt now, she won't, but I think it would just make things simpler.

In a nutshell, I want a good girl who likes music and can have fun just hanging out.

But that sounds so much easier than it is.

But anyways, I'm sure I'll find her.

Until next time....

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