Well, I got married!

We've actually been married a little over two months now and things are going quite well. We did so much pre-marital preparation that we (so far) haven't found ourselves surprised by a whole lot.

On my part, it's been a bit of a struggle handling the way I do things versus the way Jenna does things (but we knew that was going to be the case). I just do my best to look at the situation first and say, "Does this REALLY have to be my way? Or do I just WANT it to be my way?" For the most part, I think I've been doing a decent job deciphering between the two.

Before getting married, I noticed I was kind of mourning my independence. I kept thinking about how I wouldn't really have my "own" space anymore and stuff like that. I knew it was a selfish desire and not a huge concern, but the thought still sat in the back of my mind. But I've found over the last couple months that I don't mind sharing my space. I don't mind having Jenna there when I go to bed and when I wake up in the morning. Actually, I rather enjoy sharing all that with her.

Same thing with money. Anyone who knows me knows how anal I am about money stuff. I'm that guy that monitors his credit score and plays all the games to maintain responsible finances. It kind of scared me merging all that with someone else. But, so far, it hasn't been a huge issue. Jenna understands my desire to monitor all that and lets me take care of it. Honestly, I think she prefers not having to worry about it.

So married life is great. It's obvious that God fulfills his promises of marriage when it's done the way He designed it. I'm looking forward to all the things He has in store for us!

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I used to be so much better at updating this blog! I suppose my time has just been jam packed with a ton of different things lately.

Actually, here's a fancy little chart to show you what has been occupying my time the last couple weeks:

The saddest thing about this pie chart (besides the fact that I spend nearly a third of my life sleeping and I still feel exhausted) is how little time I'm taking to personally work on my relationship with God. It's so small that it doesn't even count as a full 1%!

Now, sure, I'm working on that relationship in other things I do throughout the week. I experience God while serving in student ministry in ways I never believed possible. And part of the "Spending Time with Friends" includes my weekly small group, which obviously has the purpose of building our relationship with God. And during my driving time, I listen to godly audiobooks and podcasts (go me!).

But I even spend more time eating than I do talking to God. And that's saying a lot because I'm an extremely fast eater. I'm obviously reminded of what Jesus said to Satan while being tempted in Matthew 4:4:

Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God."

I'm living on working, eating, wedding planning, sleeping, moderately exercising and zoning out (I think that's what makes up the ??? time). But if Jesus is telling me I can't live on that stuff alone, why don't I make time for what will sustain me?

A few weeks ago, I decided to start waking up at 5:15 in the morning, go for a run, then come home and read from the Bible and pray before getting ready for work. I loved it! My body felt good, my soul felt good. It was good!

That lasted about a week. Then I started hitting the snooze button up until I absolutely had to be getting ready for work.

It's not that I don't enjoy spending time with God; I love when I do. It's just a lot easier for me to say, "Well, I'll make time for God later. He doesn't sleep or anything, so we can make that work once all this other stuff is out of the way." But, obviously, that time goes to something else (probably sleep).

Jesus told us the two greatest commandments were to love God and to love people. Based on my pie chart, I'm not making enough time to love God or people. And I could easily give tons of excuses why, but I'm pretty sure none of them are more important than obeying the two greatest commandments.

What does your pie chart look like?

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I wrote this the night before my birthday, but Blogger was down for maintenance and I couldn't post it.

I’m turning 24 in a couple hours.

I can remember when even the idea of being in my twenties seemed like such a far off and foreign concept. I remember dreaming of who I would be, where I would live, what I would be doing.

Now I’m breaking into my mid-twenties and a lot of those unknowns are becoming realities. I’m getting married in just a few months. It looks like I’ll be completing the purchase of my first home next month. I have a job that I enjoy and, overall, a life I like living.

I’ve had a lot of people tell me I’m too young to be making all these moves. A lot of people that are telling me to hold off and “enjoy life” while I’m still young.

But I don’t feel that young. I feel like I’m moving into the part of my life I dreamed about when I was half this age. I can imagine the 12-year-old me saying, “What are you waiting for? This is what we’ve wanted!”

And now that I’m arriving in the place I’ve been pursuing since I was young, I feel like I am exactly where I should be. As if all the years before were to get me where I am today.

Some people see growing up as stages of transition. You were once a child, now you need to stop being a child and start acting like a teenager. Now you need to start acting like a college student. Now you need to start acting like a young adult. Now you need to stop playing around and get married.

But I don’t think growing up is about killing who you were or letting go of your past. It’s about building upon it.

When I was younger, I dreamed of growing up one day and having a career that I was good at, a family that I loved and a life with a purpose. I’ve worked for years to be in the place for that dream to be realized.

Some people want to stay young, avoid responsibility and keep to a place that makes them feel comfortable because they know they can always escape it if they want to. And I get the appeal of that; I understand the benefit of not “tying yourself down” somewhere.

It might be a tempting proposition, but it’s also an empty promise. I’m not about to let prolonged adolescence stand in the way of the vision I’ve had for my life since I was an adolescent.

Don’t get me wrong; I understand that people grow at different rates. And there’s nothing wrong with being single, but don’t keep yourself there in an attempt to hold onto your youth. Don’t limit the possibilities for your life because you’re afraid to step into a place that requires a commitment.

When we are children, we’re captivated by the potential that the future has for us. We fantasize about what we’ll be like when we’re older. And when we get to the place to realize that, we often want to go back to being children so we can keep that reality at a distance.

Getting older doesn’t mean losing that excitement and wonder we had as children. It just means we can finally be the person we once only dreamed about becoming.

"When I became a man I put away childish things; including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up." -C.S. Lewis

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I proposed to my girlfriend a few weeks ago.

We've been dating for a little over two years, but she's been my best friend since we met in 2006. I think the fact that we became such good friends before pursuing a romantic relationship has made our current state possible.  We began by loving each other for who we are, what our personalities are like, what our passions are.  The romantic feelings just followed suit.

For years, I wondered and worried about who I was going to marry.  I was afraid I'd marry the wrong person or miss the opportunity to marry the right person.  When Jenna and I started talking about marriage, none of those thoughts entered my mind; I had a sense of peace and assurance that she was the girl I should marry.

I'm not saying everything in our relationship has been 100% certain or that our future is going to be easy and without conflict.  But I do believe that we are both fully committed to each other and to God to make this marriage a representation of what God intended.

I'm excited for the planning stages and the wedding day, but I'm really looking forward to the many years of partnership and our adventure of starting a family.  I'm excited to enter into this covenant with Jenna and with God.  I'm excited to love her and sacrifice of myself the way Christ sacrificed for His bride.

So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Matthew 19:6

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Last week, I heard way too much about Miley Cyrus being in a video smoking a bong.  There was lots of speculation as to whether she was smoking weed or salvia.  My initial reaction was, "Who cares?"

The problem is not that Miley did something stupid and had it broadcasted across the Internet; people do that all the time.  The problem is that kids look up to Miley.  That's a lot of responsibility for someone so young.

We're constantly surprised when celebrities screw up.  Last year, people couldn't stop talking about how disappointed they were in Tiger Woods for cheating on his wife multiple times.  Who would their children look up to now that this "good man" had sinned so badly?

The problem is that parents are allowing celebrities to be role models for their children.  They're allowing someone they have never spoken with to have a profound influence on their kids.  Instead of taking on the responsibility themselves of being a positive role model and introducing people into their children's lives that will have a positive impact on them, so many parents are content with their kids idolizing these public figures they don't know.

I'm in no way condoning the actions of Miley and Tiger, or any other celebrities for that matter.  I think it's unfortunate that Miley seems to be heading down the path so many other child-stars have taken.  It's unfortunate that Tiger couldn't be the golfing good-guy everyone thought he was.  But we have to remember that these celebrities are humans that are bound to screw up, just as we are.

So hang out with your kids, be part of their life.  Get them involved in groups where they'll have other positive influences from other adults and peers alike.  Don't cater to their obsession with a particular celebrity; explain to them that a celebrity is a person just like they are.  Be the role model they need.  Be the person they look up to.  Be the positive influence that helps steer them down the right path.

Then next time a celebrity is exposed doing something you disapprove of, it won't be an issue that impacts your child's growth.

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I'm overly critical.

Surprised?  Probably not if you've ever read this blog.

I wasn't surprised either.  It's one of those things I've always known about myself, but never felt comfortable admitting to.  It actually took seeing someone I really respect come out and admit the same thing for me to feel okay with it.

When I was in Seattle a couple months ago, we visited Mars Hill Church.  During his talk, Mark Driscoll went off on a short tangent about how he finds himself annoyed a lot by little things.  He said, "I am always constantly annoyed because I'm the guy with the critical eye.  I notice everything that's wrong with everything.  So I am always annoyed, and I've had to repent of being annoyed."

Immediately, I thought, "Oh my gosh.  That's me!"  And I could tell my friends were thinking the same thing.

So over the past couple months, this is something I've kind of come to terms with.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not particularly proud of it, but understanding this part of my personality is definitely essential to my growth.

I think that people don't understand that I am not just overly critical of other people, I'm extremely critical of myself.  I won't call myself a perfectionist, because I don't think I am, but I definitely set high standards for myself in anything and everything that I do.  I'm annoyed with myself when I fail.  I'm annoyed when I don't live up to the standards I set for myself.

So what I'm finding is that being the "guy with the critical eye" has it's pros and cons.  It means when I do something, I do it well.  I don't mean that sound self-appreciating, but when I do something, I don't consider it finished until it meets my expectations.  At work, my coworkers know when they ask me to do something, it's going to be done well.

On the con side, I often extend those expectations to other people.  I tend to expect more from people than they expect of themselves.  That leads to me being annoyed that they aren't at least trying to live up to higher standards.  So when someone does something stupid, says something immature or falls for something, I'm annoyed.  When they speak or write improperly, I'm annoyed.

I'm not going to continue listing annoyances because that would be annoying.

I don't think it's an accident or mistake that I'm so critical, I just need to learn how to effectively direct that criticism.  I know that petty things don't matter; I know they're not worth being annoyed over.  And for the most part, I'm able to contain myself and easily get past those minor annoyances.  I realize that it's impractical for me to extend my personal standards to other people (let alone strangers I don't even know).

But I don't think it's a bad thing that I set these standards for myself (even though I fall short of them).  God demands that we do our best in everything we do.  Whether it's something I do at work, something I do at church, something I do for friends/family, something I do for a complete stranger or something I do only in the eyes of God, I should be striving for excellence.  That doesn't mean doing the bare minimum or doing just enough to get a pat on the back, it means doing everything as best I can.

I think that's something we can all improve on.

Not that I'm criticizing or anything.

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I was recently speaking with a friend about how he feels his relationship with God has kind of hit a wall.  His faith has kind of been at a standstill and he feels really disconnected from God.  He keeps wondering what he needs to do to allow for God's will to be done in his life.  He feels lost, confused and lonely.

I think that's a place most Christians have been before.  There are seasons of our lives where we're just bursting with fulfillment from our relationship with God.  We feel like things are figured out, we feel that we're doing God's will and are in His favor.  Our path seems clear, and we're walking confidently with our head held high.

Then we have seasons like my friend is experiencing.  You kind of feel empty.  You're questioning things you thought you knew.  You're confused about where God wants you and what He wants you to do.  You feel alone.

I've had that season a few times in my life.  It's extremely discouraging and challenges your relationship with God and your relationship with others.

When I find myself hitting that wall, here's what I do:

Pray

I know that seems obvious, but when you feel disconnected from God, it can be the hardest thing to pursue.

Pray that God's will is done in your life and pray that you will accept His will.  One of the biggest problems when we pray is that we're constantly praying for specifics and hoping that God will yield to our will.

We need to pray for the ability to discern and submit to God's will.  We need to make ourselves available to follow His will.


Bible

Read the Bible.

We're always asking for God to speak to us, but we're not always making ourselves available to hear from Him.  God can reveal things to us through His Word.

Before you sit down to read, pray for God to reveal His will through your reading.  And when you're done reading, talk to Him again!

I'm not saying that every time you pray for revelation and open your Bible, you're going to be slapped with some crazy epiphany.  But there have definitely been times when I have no clue what's going on in my life, I sit down and read one passage and, suddenly, things begin making sense.


Talk

When you're feeling stuck in your faith, it's important to talk it out with someone who can give you some wise insight.  When you're looking for someone to talk to, it's important that they know God and that they know you.  It has to be both, not just one or the other.

God can reveal things to us through people He has placed in our lives.


Worship

This is the hardest thing for me to do when I feel disconnected from God, but it's so crucial.  I'd say the most important time to worship God is when we don't feel like doing it.


I know that, overall, this is nothing profound, but when we find ourselves just staring at what seems to be an impenetrable wall, we sometimes forget the basics.

The best part about reaching a wall in your faith is breaking it down.  Some of my most fulfilling times of growth in my relationship with God were the result of my faith being tested and obstacles being overcome.

So if you're feeling disconnected from God or feel like you've reached a wall in your relationship that you just can't get around, remember that God doesn't let those walls appear to hinder your faith.  It's not meant to be a permanent roadblock that you can't get past.  It's not meant to make you feel alone or abandoned.  God doesn't want you to just search for a way around the wall or turn around and walk back.

Those walls are meant to be broken down.

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Ever since I was about 16 or 17, I've felt drawn to the city of Seattle.  I hadn't been there before.  I didn't really know what the city was like or what made it so special, I just knew I wanted to be there.

At the beginning of August, I finally went to Seattle.  Two friends, my girlfriend and I flew out for one week.  We spent the first couple days hiking and camping in Mt. Rainier National Park, then spent the rest of the time just exploring the city.  Was it everything I hoped it would be?

Yes.

I absolutely loved being there.  I loved the weather, the people, the culture and the location.  I loved that you could look one way and see Puget Sound (part of the Pacific Ocean) and then look the other way and see the Cascade mountains.  I loved that I could walk down the Pike Place Market and see a bunch of people selling local produce, things they had made and other unique items.  I loved how at night time, you could walk around and hear music being played all over the place.  I loved being able to get anywhere without a car.

Seattle pretty much has taken the two of the things I love most, music and the outdoors, and put them in one place.  There's music everywhere, in the form of concerts, museums, record labels and street musicians.  And the Cascade mountains are just a short drive away.  The hiking we did in Mt. Rainier was some of the best hiking I've ever done.  There was so much amazing scenery.  It definitely proved to be one of the most beautiful places I've ever been.

I am almost sure that living in Seattle would be the optimal place for me.  The only problem is how many people I would leave behind here.  I don't want to be a plane ride away from my family, I want to be a short drive away.  I want my future kids to know my family.  I want a long relationship with my friends.

So, right now, I'm not sure how feasible moving there would be.  But it's not all that bad.

One thing I realized while in Seattle was just how much it reminded me of Ann Arbor, where I live now.  Of course, Seattle is much larger, but the culture was very similar.  And in Ann Arbor, I still have to deal with crazy snowfalls and there are no mountain ranges nearby, but I suppose it's a good Seattle-substitute for the time being.

I'm sure there's a reason why I'm so drawn to Seattle, and I intend to find out why.  This trip was just the first step, I'm sure.  And while I'm content where I am right now, I'm looking forward to whatever the future holds, whether it happens in Michigan or Washington.

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When you spend a week with middle schoolers and half your meals are different than theirs, lots of questions come up.

I tried my best to balance being honest with them about my decision to not eat meat while being sure not to push any sort of agenda.  My conviction and decision to stop eating meat was a decision made through a lot of prayer and research, not from someone pushing their beliefs on me.  I would never want to force this conviction on anyone.

Some of the kids thought I was crazy, but most accepted it for what it is; one small aspect of my life.

I find it odd that more people can't recognize that.

I'm not the type of guy that says, "OH, GROSS!" when I see someone eating meat.  I don't walk around with shirts that say things like "100% Vegetarian" or "Meat Is Murder."  I don't introduce myself as, "Hey, I'm Chris.  I don't eat meat."

But some people pretend that I do.  I get it, people are going to make jokes about my choice.  That's just what's going to happen.  But there are some people that feel like they need to comment on my meal choice every single time I eat with them.  They tell me how delicious their meat is and how I'm really missing out.

I can't even imagine the reactions I would get if every time I ate with someone, I told them they shouldn't eat meat.  And then took my vegetables on a fork and stuck them in their face saying, "Doesn't that look good?!"

Now, this is not everyone.  There are a lot of people in my life that just accept my decision and move on.  And there are some that just want to know my reasons.  I really don't mind sitting down and explaining my reasons.  I don't mind dialoguing and talking about it, but the badgering and snide remarks are tiring.

Of all the convictions and missions in my life, vegetarianism is very low on my list of priorities.  There are so many things more important to me.  I don't think that eating meat is sinful.  I don't think it's disgusting.  I don't think it makes you a bad person.  I saw a system that bothered me, I read what the Bible said about it, I prayed, and made a decision not to support a system that I believe is wrong.

If I were to die tomorrow, I don't want people thinking, "He didn't eat meat."  I don't want what I do/do not eat to define my life or my personality.  Does anyone want their life defined by food?  There are just so many things more important than that!

If you want to sit down and talk to me about my decision, I'll gladly tell you everything.  If you want me to cook you some meatless chili so you can see how amazing it is, I would love to.

But if we're hanging out and I don't grab a hamburger, is it really worth commenting on?  Am I making comments about your food choice?  Am I telling you all the reasons you shouldn't eat it?

What you eat is your decision, and I respect that.

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Last week, I went on a trip to West Virginia with RustProof (the middle school ministry at my church) to paint houses of some less fortunate people. Six months ago, in an attempt to interest the 7th graders in my small group, I told them that I would go if any of them signed up. At the last minute, one guy did.

At first, I was kind of bummed. I was glad that one of my guys had stepped up and decided to go on the trip, but I selfishly realized that it meant I was going to give up half of my alloted vacation time to go on the trip too. That feeling quickly faded as I realized that even though this was a service trip, it had the potential to be fun. Even though I was really excited during the weeks leading up to the trip, I had no idea how much this one week was going to have an impact on me.

I think it's important for me first to explain why I do this ministry. Middle school was both the biggest turning point and biggest struggle for my spiritual journey. It was the time I really made my faith my own. I began to understand what a relationship with Christ looked like. But this was also the time I got completely turned off to church. I didn't feel like I belonged in church. I didn't feel like it was a place to find acceptance and love. So I stopped going to church until the middle of high school.

I realize now how much more fulfilling and expansive my faith could have been through high school and into college if I had someone there to help foster my spiritual growth. Instead, I went through that period of time trying to do it myself. So I really feel like middle school is such a crucial time for that growth, and I think God has been equipping me to minister to that age group.

So back to the trip. I didn't think that spending a week with a bunch of 12 and 13 year-olds would have such an effect on me. Besides the relationships I built and the work we did, there were a lot of spiritual lessons I learned (and relearned) in our time there:

God is in the silence. We had a discussion with the students about how it's crucial that we take some time to just be silent and listen to God. I realized that I just overload myself with work, hanging out, watching television, etc. I don't take time to just hang out and be with God.

One of the best things about being in the middle of nowhere is that there's absolutely no cell phone service. Normally, I'm tethered to my phone. I'm checking email, texting, facebooking, reading news, etc. When you don't have the Internet or a cell phone, you find a lot more time to spend with God.

We have to insulate ourselves. This doesn't mean we have to cut ourselves off, it just means that the people we spend time with influence who we are. We need to make sure we're engaging in relationships that help us grow.

I have lots of friends that are all in different places emotionally and spiritually. While I love them all, I need to make sure that I have enough relationships that are going to help me grow in my faith, too.

We don't always have to act grown-up. I'm usually pretty reserved. I don't want people to see me as immature or think that I don't "act my age." But this trip (along with other things I've done in this ministry) have really taught me the value of just letting go of that sometimes and just having fun; just acting like a kid.

This trip really reminded me what it was like to be a kid. I know I'm only 23, but you forget that pretty quickly. When everything is about deadlines, bills, email and meetings, it's easy to forget what it's like to just be carefree.

Middle schoolers are awesome and under-estimated. A lot of times when we look at middle school students, we just see drama, immaturity and poor hygiene. But for the most part, they can carry on some pretty legitimate conversations and they're also a lot of fun.  Not to mention, when given some direction and proper motivation, they can be extremely focused.  These kids worked so hard and put in so much effort to paint houses for people they had never met before.  There are so few adults willing to do that.

Too many of us are seeing middle schoolers as a burden instead of a blessing. We're waiting for them to grow out of their awkwardness so they can be "productive." By doing so, we're not only robbing them of value, but we're robbing ourselves of the experiences and memories we can have with them.

This past week, I didn't feel like a babysitter watching some rambunctious kids; I felt like I was hanging out with a whole bunch of my younger brothers and sisters. I was talking to them, listening to their stories, playing basketball with them, teaching them and showing them love and respect.

It ended up being one of the best weeks of my life. I'm so glad that one student took me up on my offer and forced me to give up one week of vacation for a lifetime of memories.

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